This is the day that the Lord made; we shall exult and rejoice thereon.
Let your eyes look forward, and let your eyelids look straight ahead of you
This post is one of the #blogElul writing prompts by Ima on the Bima
To be or not to be...
Am I ever fully in the moment? When I am writing these posts, it is probably one of the few times I ever feel like I am full immersed in a single moment. Every moment of my day, I am cooking, wondering how much I'll have to clean up later. Cleaning up wondering how much more I have to do. Keeping my son from climbing furniture to prevent uncertain pains and falls. I watch my son put together his puzzles, and I wonder if I should send my son to a pre-school.
Worrying. Planning. Thinking. Over thinking.
Even today, when I was returning a dress to the store, the sales lady and the manager were both trying to tell me their policy (which they hadn't mentioned to me when I bought the dress). I was angry. I was straightforward when I told them, that if they didn't take the return, I would never shop there again. They gave me the return.
But now I feel guilty. Was I rude? Was I just direct? I'm not sure, because at the time, I knew I felt angry, I was thinking that I was about to lose seventy dollars (I really made a mistake on that dress), and I thought I was about to be stuck with a dress that I didn't want.
Had I been fully present, I wouldn't have this feeling of guilt (or maybe I would) because I would remember details in fully clarity.
But as I type, I am fully present. I feel my fingers touching the keys. I hear them clicking away. I am typing what comes into my mind and I'm only focused on this one task.
When I raced mountain bike, I was also fully present. In mountain biking, if you are not present, you are going over the handlebars. The presence I experienced with mountain biking was a bit more mindless (does that make sense?). I was focused on the trail, but in the best of rides, I wasn't feeling or thinking. Just doing.
I think being in the moment with my son should be different. I should be taking in all the details and feelings.
I was working on some decorations for our Sukkah. I noticed how impatient I was feeling. I was putting each piece together, and painstakingly pulling apart the layers of plastic and it was just taking so long. I thought, "no wonder I don't do crafts". It isn't instant. And maybe that's a good thing. I thought to myself, "this will force me to practice patience". My son would take the finished pieces and at first I thought that I didn't want him to destroy them, but then as I watched him line them up in a perfectly straight line, I just appreciated that moment.
I have been putting together a bit of a plan for the New Year (future post). I want to do a craft a month and I am going to start a drawing journal. My goal was to work on my creativity, but I think the bonus will be they will also help me be more present and work on patience.