Friday, August 30, 2013

24 Elul: Infertility

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had not borne to him, and she had an Egyptian handmaid named Hagar.  
And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing; please come to my handmaid; perhaps I will be built up from her." And Abram hearkened to Sarai's voice.  - Genesis Chapter 16

And Isaac prayed to the Lord opposite his wife because she was barren, and the Lord accepted his prayer, and Rebecca his wife conceived. - Genesis Chapter 25

And Rachel saw that she had not borne [any children] to Jacob, and Rachel envied her sister, and she said to Jacob, "Give me children, and if not, I am dead." - Genesis Chapter 30

And she vowed a vow, and said: to Lord of Hosts, if You will look upon the affliction of Your bondswoman, and You will remember me, and You will not forget Your bondswoman and You will give Your bondswoman a man-child, and I shall give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head. -  (Hannah's Prayer) Shmuel 1 - Chapter 1

He seats the barren woman of the house as a happy mother of children. Hallelujah! - 

The short version of my infertility story is this:  it took two years to get pregnant.   I saw three different doctors, and the third doctor diagnosed my high TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels.  
I had one miscarriage.  Following the miscarriage (or chemical pregnancy if you will), I got pregnant again and thank G-d, gave birth to my beautiful son 42.5 weeks later.  

The emotional story is much longer.  For two years I felt lonely and heartbroken.  For two years, I took on Mitzvot, dropped Mitzvot, prayed and cried to the point I didn't know where I was spiritually.  The Rosh Hashanah before we conceived, I cried and prayed my shortest prayer ever.

I am grateful for my son.  We would like a second child, but after one year of trying, it is clear that infertility is still part of my life and body.   

I am not alone.  There are so many people who have and continue to struggle with infertility.  Please G-d remember them this Rosh Hashanah.  

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