Wednesday, August 14, 2013

8 Elul: Prayer

 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer. - Psalms Chapter 19

Hearken, O Lord, to my voice [which] I call out, and be gracious to me and answer me. - 

When my husband and I were trying to conceive, I prayed constantly.  I said Psalms.  I read the prayer for a child from my Siddur (prayer book).  I used my own words.  I begged G-d for a child.   I could think of a million reasons and I shared them all with G-d.  

Rosh Hashanah 2011,  the Rabbi based his sermon, based on the story of Chanah (from whom we learn how we should be praying) and started with the following words:  "unless you know the pain of infertility...".  I felt hot tears streaming down my face.  I don't remember much of what he said after that, I just felt my heart broken.  When the services continued, I covered my face with the Siddur and the only words I had left for G-d was "Please".  There were no other words, just "Please".  


This past May, as I leaned against the stones of the Kotel (Western Wall), I prayed and started to cry, and the experience felt like I was crying in my Father's Arms.  


Every night I do prayer time with my son.  My son and I recite the Shemah and I pray to G-d, admittedly with a list of requests and a list of thank you's.  I feel the connection every night, it's a holy time and one day my son will also speak to G-d in his own way.  

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