Holiday Burn Out

I have been feeling depressed the last week.  I have had so much on my mind.  I feel like my faith is doing the ebb/flow thing.  I don't know where I belong in the Jewish community.  Infertility.  Holidays.   Reflecting.  Cooking.  Cleaning.

The best way to describe the feeling has been a burnt out exhaustion.  It started around Rosh Hashanah.  After I finished that 30 day writing challenge, I didn't really feel spiritually ready for the Jewish New Year.  I felt.  Empty.  Like a "so what?" kind of feeling.

Those feelings have been staying right through Sukkot, a time that is supposed to be filled with joy.  I put my son in extra day care hours this week to give myself some mommy alone time.  It has helped a bit.  One more set of three day Yom Tov this weekend.  I admit I'm not feeling spiritually or emotionally ready to do it again, but, like all my hard races, I will do one more push to the finish line.

Do you feel holiday burn out?



I appreciate all comments. Please don't be shy and share your thoughts!

Our Sukkah: The inside

Our Sukkah has come together nicely (You can read about the building of our Sukkah, here).  I don't think it's anything glamorous, but it's ours and I am happy we finally have a Sukkah we can enjoy.

The thing about Sukkot in Canada is that it can be cold and wet during September (or October), so all decorations need to be waterproof.  Here is a run down of the crafts/decorations I made:

• I prepared a few of these, I guess I will follow up later and let you know if it helped at all.  I know from friends' Sukkot, bees and wasps can be problematic and generally causing freak outs. 
• My husband helped me make a simplified version of this.  
• I didn't make a garland, but I made the plastic pom poms.  
• I tried making a couple of these, but I didn't like the way they turned out.  
• I got a couple of the banner ideas from here.  The Bruchim HaBaim Banner (Welcome Blessing) is made of foam sheets.  
• I made a variation of these using dried beans, electric tea lights and large mason jars.  I like the colours.  

I created a few print outs of the list of Ushpizin (guests) because I couldn't find anything online, they are obviously very basic.  It's one of those things I plan on improving, just looking for the right print out and idea.

A beautiful idea I've seen at my Rebbetzin's Sukkah is a collage of pictures of Sukkah's past.  I'd like to make something like that for ours too.  What a beautiful way to keep memories.

Anything out of paper got laminated using clear sticky book covering stuff from the dollar store.

A really great resource for crafts for Sukkot (other than searching through Pinterest) is Creative Jewish Mom.  She is absolutely an inspiration.

I think that covers the crafts.  Without further ado, here is a look inside the Sukkah.

I know, they are basic and simple, but they'll do for now.  

"Those who reap with tears will sow with songs of joy"

A view of the pom poms

My husband made the welcome a little too Halloween-y, I think, but he says it's Dr. Seuss.  What do you think?  

Our cute little centrepiece

 



I appreciate all comments. Please don't be shy and share your thoughts!

Building the Sukkah

Sukkot is a few days after Yom Kippur which means a lot of scrambling to get it all together before the next set of Yom Tov (Holy) days.

In a nutshell, the Sukkah is a booth (hut?) that needs to have certain characteristics.  The roof must be made so that it provides shade during the day but the stars are visible at night.  These huts commemorate Jewish people's housing as they travelled the 40 years in the desert after leaving Egypt (as in the story from the Bible).  

Our Sukkah went up today.  This is the first year we have a full sized Sukkah.  Last year we used a Pop Up Sukkah which was very cute and very cozy.  We recently had the backyard redone (you do not want to see the before pictures, we're talking dead grass, decaying deck...).  We added a pergola to the design which would act as our frame for the Sukkah (and give us shade the rest of the warm season).  

The area and our son acting as general contractor.   

The Schach (roof).  This one is a 10x16 roll of bamboo mat.  

My husband is proud that the schach covers the area.  

Added support for the tarp walls. The walls can't sway too much, since we are using tarp we needed to find a way to keep the walls more secure.  

A very massive tarp.  It was cut in half before being installed.   The walls are secured to the frame with bungee chords.  

And there it is!  

Next Sukkah post will show the inside (which will give me a chance to actually decorate the inside!).

5 Elul: Cycle

The sun rises and the sun sets, and to its place it yearns and rises there.  It goes to the south and it goes to the north; the will goes around and around and the till returns to its circuits.  

- Ecclesiastes Chapter 1

The Jewish calendar year is not just cyclical it's spiral.  We return to the same point in time each year (i.e. Rosh Hashanah), but hopefully we have improved and are at a point in space that is higher than before.

I wonder if I improve from year to year.  When I started this spiritual journey, I felt it was obvious that I was spiralling upward.  I wasn't observant and then I was.  I hadn't kept kosher and then I did.  

The last couple of years I have felt more like I am spiralling out of control rather than in any upward direction.  I have a toddler, I lack sleep, I don't learn as often as I had, and I hadn't really done any new Mitzvot.  

My mentor explained to me that in the beginning I was really working on Mitzvot that were between (wo)man and G-d, lighting Shabbat candles, keeping Shabbat, eating Kosher (rituals).  As a mother (and a stay at home one), I am working on the Mitzvot of relationships, being patient, controlling my temper, finding the Divine in the mundane activities of every day...

I have to remind myself of that, each time I feel guilty for not listening to a lecture or reading a book.  It's ok not to be formally learning and to take some time for the practical work.  

This also means I need to do a better job evaluating my relationship Mitzvot.  I know I wasn't always patient, but I feel that I have been more open to solutions this year.  In fact, I had a bit of an AHA moment and I realized I am not as easy going as I thought I was and I really need to chill out.  

The fact is Rosh Hashanah will come and go whether I put any effort in or not.  The choice is mine (and yours) whether to take the opportunity to re-evaluate and work on moving higher along the spiral.  

This is my post based on writing prompts for Elul.  Please join me and link your page in the comments section.