Allow

This post is based on the writing prompt from Creative with Kids...

I need to allow things to happen as they are meant to happen.  I need to allow my body to be as it is and I need to allow G-d to either make a pregnancy happen or not.  I do need to allow myself to mourn and feel sad and know it's ok.  

I need to allow my son to make his own decisions on eating and not get so worked up.  

I have to allow certain things to happen because I can't control everything. 

from http://creativewithkids.com/fill-your-cup-allow/

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Ottawa Fashion Week starts tonight.  I can't go tonight or tomorrow night, but Sunday night is a real possibility (assuming I can snag a ticket).  I'm tempted to go.  I don't know why.  Do I want to start a career in fashion (my best friend would faint!)?  Do I just want to be a fashionista (wanna-be)?

What would I even wear?

What do you think?  Should I go?

from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitMpN0vOfvlHP8-HzdkTHrAc_W9jalJD16aCXD-kYsRjji8B-pcSDy1YbLv69OqNqvt4ljwOlmDX5bFpRbLINr9Uegfe41OFJqaBPf42N3BSwALmWDVF0c7gFwHpY998nT7QjRrVAcAJ0/s1600/Ottawa-20121014-00433.jpg

It doesn't go away

Emotionally, Rosh Hashanah was very hard for me.  I had reached the end of my 30 Elul writing prompt challenge, and I felt a little bit drained.

Without getting into too many details, my body clearly is not cooperating with our TTC (trying to conceive) plan.  I had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago, and it seems that will be the closest we will get to giving our son a sibling.

Rosh Hashanah came, and there were so many pregnancy friends.  Pregnant with number two (or three or four...).  I am happy for them.  I truly am.  I am happy for them because I know how hard it is to get and stay pregnant.

I am also hurting.  The feelings of infertility do not simply vanish once you have a child.  I feel like my body has betrayed me.  I feel old.  Did I wait too long?  Maybe.  It didn't help that it took two years to get pregnant to begin with.

Time.  Is it time to stop?  Accept it won't happen?

(We've looked into IVF and the rates of success for my numbers/age is not that great).

When I heard the shofar, I felt my heart breaking.  I want so much to grow our family and it's hard when things are so beyond our control to the point of hopelessness.

Never Forget

I was at work in my office on September 11, 2001.  A friend and I had been emailing about mountain biking, and he wrote to me about a plane that flew into a building in New York.  I remember scrambling the news to find out.  Was it a small plane?  An accident?  A stunt gone wrong?

Websites were slow in loading.  I couldn't get through to the news sites and it became clear to me something more was happening.

When I finally got the news loaded up, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Two planes had flown into the Twin Towers in New York.

Later that evening, I watched the news reports.  I remember watching an interview with a husband, whose wife had left a message on their answering machine.  She was trapped in one of the towers.  She was saying how much she loved him and good bye.  My heart ached.

I think about those families, those who lost loved ones and those who survived and can't imagine their thoughts and emotions.

I pray every night with my son for a world filled with peace, love and understanding.  May we see it in our days.

from http://www.weswyatt.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Never_Forget_2.jpg

Preparing for Yom Kippur

I spent the entire month of Elul (August leading into September) writing each day on one of the themes of Rosh Hashanah and the High Holidays.  We are now in the Ten Days between Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Repentence).

I am still writing, this time privately, answering the questions of 10Q.  It's a pretty awesome project.  Answer ten questions, one a day from the Jewish New Year until Yom Kippur.  The answers are "locked up" until next year.

I did this last year, and I admit, I was a bit depressed after re-reading my answers.  I had hoped to be holding a second child in my arms.  I had hoped to be more patient...I feel like I am rewriting the same goals of last year.  I guess some years we make tremendous growth and others, well, not so much.

This year I spent 30 days writing for Rosh Hashanah and really took some time to think about my goals.  Maybe that will make a difference?

Do you spend any time preparing for High Holidays or the "regular" New Year (like resolutions)?  How do you keep track on your goals?

I made something!

My goal for this upcoming year  is to make a few crafts.  For my first official creation, I decided on something to organize my necklaces.  I get very frustrated with how they always end up in a knotted mess.

I had seen a few really great ideas, and I decided on a frame with hooks in it.  I used wrapping paper for the background (Dollarama).  The frame came from Value Village ($4), and the hooks were from Home Depot ($1.15 per package).  The whole thing cost less than $10 to create.  I am really happy with it.  Eventually we will repaint the room, which is why I am went for the black and white colour theme.

I used a piece of cardboard behind the wrapping paper to make up for the space of the glass part of the frame that I didn't use.  I wrapped the carboard/back of the frame with the wrapping paper and pressed into the frame (being careful not to rip anything).  The hooks screwed right into the paper/cardboard/frame back and are pretty secure.  They do poke out the back, I will eventually cover the pack with some paper to protect fingers and wall.

I measured roughly 3 cm between hooks and alternated them high/low.  I was a bit off in the measurements, so the last hook is actually a bit further than 3 cm from the edge.  My very accurate husband thinks it looks fine and it is barely noticeable.

I think it looks like a great piece of art up on the wall.  How do you store your necklaces?

30 for 30 Outfit Challenge Week 1

I am in the first week of a 30 day Outfit challenge.  In case you are just joining in, the rules are I can only wear some combination of a few of the 30 items each day and I can't wear the same outfit twice during the month.  These are the 30 pieces ( 27 actually) that I chose for the challenge.  I am still deciding whether shells should be included in the 30, which would make up the last 3 pieces (black, beige and white shells).

I think it might get a little annoying to post daily, so I decided to do a few days at a time.

I'm still having a lot of trouble with head ware, which is why I threw on black hats over the holidays.  I guess if I am wearing something casual, I have enough scarves, I feel when I am dressed a bit more fancy, the scarves take away from the outfit.  I am hoping to find scarves that will work better.

Inspiration for this outfit

Head covering from Leelach.com

I think I would have liked something a bit bigger for the necklace, what do you think?

I've linked up to Sunday Style!