24 Elul: Infertility

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had not borne to him, and she had an Egyptian handmaid named Hagar.  

And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing; please come to my handmaid; perhaps I will be built up from her." And Abram hearkened to Sarai's voice.  - Genesis Chapter 16

And Isaac prayed to the Lord opposite his wife because she was barren, and the Lord accepted his prayer, and Rebecca his wife conceived. - Genesis Chapter 25

And Rachel saw that she had not borne [any children] to Jacob, and Rachel envied her sister, and she said to Jacob, "Give me children, and if not, I am dead." - Genesis Chapter 30

And she vowed a vow, and said: to Lord of Hosts, if You will look upon the affliction of Your bondswoman, and You will remember me, and You will not forget Your bondswoman and You will give Your bondswoman a man-child, and I shall give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head. -  (Hannah's Prayer) Shmuel 1 - Chapter 1

He seats the barren woman of the house as a happy mother of children. Hallelujah! - 

Tehillim (Psalms) Chapter 113

The short version of my infertility story is this:  it took two years to get pregnant.   I saw three different doctors, and the third doctor diagnosed my high TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels.  

I had one miscarriage.  Following the miscarriage (or chemical pregnancy if you will), I got pregnant again and thank G-d, gave birth to my beautiful son 42.5 weeks later.  

The emotional story is much longer.  For two years I felt lonely and heartbroken.  For two years, I took on Mitzvot, dropped Mitzvot, prayed and cried to the point I didn't know where I was spiritually.  The Rosh Hashanah before we conceived, I cried and prayed my shortest prayer ever.

I am grateful for my son.  We would like a second child, but after one year of trying, it is clear that infertility is still part of my life and body.   

I am not alone.  There are so many people who have and continue to struggle with infertility.  Please G-d remember them this Rosh Hashanah.  

Building my Wardrobe - skirts

I ordered this skirt from Sears.  I think it is such a nice looking skirt.  It even comes with a red belt!  I have seen so many outfits with striped skirts.  I have a diagonally striped flare-y skirt I bought from H&M a few years ago.  I love it!  I figured it's time to update the stripy-ness.

My order came much quicker than I expected.  Yay!  I slipped into the skirt and...womp womp.  Stripes are NOT forgiving.  In a tight fitting skirt even less so.

I admit, I have a bit of a mommy tummy, and with the c-section, ehm, flab?  My tummy will not be so flat for a while.  I can wear some shaper device under the skirt, but still...there will be. Stripes.  Elongated.  Across my lower body.

It wasn't pretty.  I am disappointed.  I have many MANY black skirts.  I have tight fitting ones, and loose fitting ones, cotton ones and polyester ones (I guess it's polyester).  I would like a skirt that isn't all black.  I have a couple of brown skirts, and one with a pattern.  The pattern one is a fancier skirt for Shul (synagogue).

I would really like something I can wear with casual outfits.  I am short though, and as I have discovered with some prints, they make me look sooooo short.  I don't know if it is the shape of the skirt (flare versus tighter fitting) or the print itself (big print versus small).  Any ideas on what I should look for?

I'm 5'2"-ish.  My legs are short.  My torso is short.  I am just short.  But not in a petite way.

Let me know what you think or link up some options in your comments...thanks!

Bye Bye stripey skirt.  You won't be part of my closet.  :(  

23 Elul: King

For the kingship is the Lord's, and He rules over the nations. - Tehillim (Psalms) Chapter 22

On Rosh Hashanah, we reaffirm that G-d is our King.  I think I have always thought as G-d as the King of All Kings.  Since I was a child, I imagined Him high on His Throne keeping track of all our actions.  

It was only more recently that I realized despite G-d being a King, He is also accessible.  We can talk to Him all the time, and pray for what we need (or think we need).  

I think we have remind ourselves about that fact, He is King, but he is also available 24/7.  

22 Elul: Torah

Behold, I have set before you today life and good, and death and evil, inasmuch as I command you this day to love the Lord, your God, to walk in His ways, and to observe His commandments, His statutes, and His ordinances, so that you will live and increase, and the Lord, your God, will bless you in the land to which you are coming to take possession of it. - Deuteronomy Chapter 30.  

I am so glad to be learning Torah as an adult.  I went to Jewish day school from kindergarten until grade 11 (high school in Quebec goes to grade 11) and Torah classes were painful and boring.  

In high school, Torah learning meant reading the text, then reading Rashi.  We'd never get any deeper into the text or pull out some valuable lessons.  

Since 2008, I've taken classes and listened to lectures on line.  The Torah has so many amazing lessons. We learn about kindness from Avraham, and humility and leadership from Moshe (Moses).  

I am looking forward to more Torah learning and more life lessons.  

30 for 30 Outfit Challenge: Statement Necklaces

I think most of the necklaces I own are really more "comment" and much less "statement".

I really like the bubble necklaces.  

from http://lauraunrefined.blogspot.ca/2012/11/bubble-necklaces-yes-please.html

I also ike the idea of making my own, and I found two relatively easy ones on Pinterest.  The upcycled tie and the washer/ribbon necklace.  The Pin also suggested using nail polish to jazz up the washers.  I'm not sure if either would qualify as statement, but I think they will make a nice addition to my very limited collection.  I just haven't found any I like in the stores here (yet).  

There is also organizing right now they are all jumbled in a box, and they obviously get tangled.  I really like this idea (also found on Pinterest).  

Do you have any statement jewelry?

21 Elul: Change

And see whether there is any vexatious way about me, and lead me in the way of the world.

Search me out, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  - Tehillim (Psalms) Chapter 139

This writing prompt is one of #blogElul,  set up by Ima on the Bima.  

I'm not good with change.  I let myself fall into a comfortable little rut, and if anything threatens it, I feel my body tense up.  Take, for example, my being unemployed.  The thought of actually leaving the house, my piles of laundry and dishes, freaks me out a little.  

I can't imagine why.  It isn't like I adore doing laundry or emptying the dishwasher.  I guess it boils down to a deeper fear of the unknown.  

In mountain biking, you can ride along a trail, and see what is ahead of you.  If the trail drops suddenly, it is actually good practice to check things out and look for the best line through.  Some people can adjust on the go, keep their weight where it needs to be on the bike...I take less risks that way.  

Oddly enough, I also kind of feel that fear when it comes to improving myself.  Who doesn't want to be a better person?  Of course I do.  These thoughts pop into my head...what if people start to expect more of me and I can't meet follow through?  What if I fail (or fall)?  

I remind myself that it is one day at a time, and one step at a time.  It's ok to make mistakes, and it's ok for people to expect more.  If I am never challenged, I will never improve.  Or change.  

20 Elul: Judge

Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his [her] place - Pirkei Avot

This writing prompt is one of the ones for #blogElul by Ima on the Bima

I am guilty of being too judgemental.  I try to avoid it, but as soon as I hear an opinion being formed in my head, bam!  I am pretty sure it's probably judgemental.

I remind myself of the quote above, and similar ones about giving people the benefit of the doubt.  My Yetzer HaRah thinks that the friend who doesn't call is being selfish, but I realize there could be a million reasons they don't call, given they have kids too.

I also remember learning that when we judge others harshly, G-d will take the same position with us.

from sweetclipart.com